29 ..almost 30..really????

hey guys,

oh well now i really turned 29 years 2 days ago....wtf is it really 29 years old i first saw the light?
alot happened, i am now sitting in my house alone, without good internet ( there was a big storm last night and internet and telephone is not working ) and only with my wireless stick, and drinking a good bottle of bacardi and thinking about what will happen in future and what happened in the past...

actually after thinking really long about this the whole day, the only thing i can come up with is that i dont really care what fuckin happened, its just im portant what WILL happen from now on,
oh well and we got all that in our hands...do u guys know the song by janet jackson -
got till its gone??? its amazing, just click on the name and it will guide u to it..

why is it so good?
well, one thing i learned is that 99% of people in this world are selfish and most of them dont even know it, they really think that they want the best for everyone else, but thats not true...

make a test, take a look at some pictures, who are u searching for first? for you!!!! its always you, you are searching for.. no one else... when someone attacks you, whats the first thing you want to do? its defend yourself right? you want to correct the person, because he/she is wrong...instead of thinking about WHY is he/she doing that...they must have a reason right? i mean, why do they think that? why dont they think u are a nice person? or u do the thing right, that u disagree with??? most of the time we dont even think about it..we just think: that person attacked me and he/she is wrong...i will fix that and then he/she will like me...... fuck that, it wont work....try to understand why the person thinks that and then work from there..dont u think thats more effektive, than tryng to convince the other person...and one important question yet didnt get asked: what if the person is right about what he/she says about you???but u didnt realize it yet? dont u wanna know what kind of person u really are?

these are thoughts i had like 1 year ago and believe me it was hard for me to cope with the answers, fuck it was really hard...but what happened was that i thanked everyone for everything they said and changed the way i am..not everything but the stuff that i could change and that i had infuence on....

i love life again, i love being me...
and it only took me 27 years to get there haha, thats good i guess ....

on a sidenote...we will invite a family to portugal that has no money and no possibilities and had a really hard time in the past, to visit our house in portugal... the family has nothing more to do than step into the plaine and come here...thats it, chris and me will care for the rest...
i loved the idea from the beginning and tho some people have told me that i am a fuckin idiot for doing this, people that i love and admire (sadly), i wll do it..not to get attention, not to make people like me, not to get loved more, but to see these 3 children at the beach, something thats more valuable than anything else...
i have a son too and he has the privilege to be with me in summer also, so why not give someone else the chance to get the same..```???? it will not hurt me much but it will give them alot of happiness..at least i hope so,...


wish you all good luck out there,,, may the best time of your life be ahead of you...